The past few months, I feel like I've been moving around sort of like before I had glasses. Granted, I tend to forget to wear my glasses a lot, so that isn't so strange, but metaphorically. I feel like everything has been really blurry and out of focus. Both my school work and the rest of my life. I just feel like I'm wandering around reaching for walls and railings as though I couldn't see, squinting and trying to get a clearer picture because nothing quite made sense.
Finally, I'm getting clarity. I'm seeing the positive. I'm seeing the light. I am seeing clearly. I'm not drowning. I'm not really being very successful right now.. but I can finally see where the trouble lies.
I'm working towards a goal. My goal has been forgotten several times, and it took a reminder in the homily at mass this Sunday to give me back my metaphorical glasses.
God loves ME.
God loves me. He doesn't love what I'm doing, or where I'm going, he just loves me. I don't have to do anything special to earn it. I think that's what I keep forgetting the most. I don't have to earn his love. It's already mine. He loves me.
I need to stop worrying so much about the little itty bitty things that I can't change, like the mistakes I've been making in school, or work, or any other aspect. I need to focus on the bigger picture. He loves me. He's not going to lead me astray. He's going to help me when he thinks I need it.
It's clear to me where I've been failing the past six months: school, work, and social life.
I'm finally working on the social life part of things, work should be calming down, and NOW.. now that midterms are over and my grades reflect me crappy focus.. I gotta kick it into high gear and get focused.
Always,
H.Eilene
My posts might be few and far between, because I really do need to focus on my schoolwork, but I'll do my best to update at least once a week.
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