Something is Off

Never Ending Winter: Another 4-10 in. 4/22

You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when something just.. feels wrong? I'm not talking indigestion or sickness.. I mean that gut feeling that something must be wrong. I'm sure you've felt it. 

I have spent all day trying to figure it out. I can't. I went through the motions of my day: Did I sleep on the wrong side? Did I wake up too quickly? Did I forget something? Did I brush my teeth left-handed instead of right? Did I tie my shoes too tight? Maybe I forgot to wear shoes at all... no.. the blister on my heel says otherwise. 

What is it? 

I couldn't tell you. But, I feel it. I feel it in my belly that there is something not right.. it's the most unsettling of feelings. It's enough to put an anxious girl to tears I tell ya. 

I struggled today. More than usual. Writing papers is a skill I have gotten pretty good at.. but if you looked at the draft of my American Lit paper.. and then you considered how long it took to even sketch out the "draft" you would be appalled. 

Honestly, I attempted to start this paper 8 times in the past week. I didn't want to leave it to tonight. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick a piece of writing to focus on from the course.. then I couldn't decide on a theme to focus on.. then I did decide and changed my mind after a paragraph. 

After 5 hours TONIGHT: I have 3 pages written. They are sloppy. They are frantic. They are going to be shamefully turned into my peer review partner tomorrow with my pleading words "please don't judge me." 

So.. now I'm going to go to bed wearily. I wish I knew what it was.. this feeling is putting me into a funk.. and I don't like it.