"Sensitive" and "Caring"

Sensitive and Caring. My two biggest strengths. I am a sensitive person, I am capable of emotions. I feel things very deeply, and I take everything to heart. And, I care. I care about people, I care about my job, I care about relationships... I care so deeply that I don't walk away. I don't give up on things.. I care so much that it becomes one of my biggest downfalls. I admit that. I admit that I care too much and I can be too sensitive... BUT that doesn't mean I am willing to stop being caring or sensitive. 

I am also extremely self conscious. I don't like very many things about myself. I don't think of myself as pretty, I don't think I'm very intelligent, I get mediocre grades, I'm not confident.. except when I'm at Starbucks.. because for some reason.. that's the one place where I actually feel like I know something... I'm overly anxious, obsessive compulsive, and I'm generally not sure of anything. 

So.. if you don't feel pretty, smart, confident or capable... or anything positive.. waking up and looking at yourself in the mirror is hard. Waking up and functioning.. is hard. 

So, you find things about yourself you do like. I found mine. I'm sensitive and caring. I'm also patient, but honestly it ties with both of those. I am sensitive to how others feel.. which translates to being patient with how others choose to deal with their feelings... I care about relationships and people.. so I'm patient and keep pushing forward, I keep trying.. even when everyone tells me I should stop. 

But, I'm sensitive. I care. Those are my two good things. My two positive things. The two things I know about myself that let me feel good about myself. Why would you try to take them from me?? Why would you turn them into insults? 

"God Hannah, Stop being so sensitive"
"It was just a joke, don't be so sensitive"
"You care too much. Stop"
"Why you do even bother with...(such and such)... you should just give up. Obviously it isn't working" 

I am not going through and telling you how I feel because I want your pity. I am not unhealthy, I don't want to give up on life or the world or anything.. Remember? I care too much to give up trying. I've dreamed about my future too much to not work my butt off to get there.. But.. Seriously? Pay attention. While you may not realize it.. You're cutting down one or two of the only things that I actually feel awesome about. It hurts. You can continue hurting me, and doing it.. but this is my passive-aggressive way of telling you (plural).. It hurts. Stop. Realize how much I care about you.. so much so that I won't just walk away from you when you cut me down. I care too much to hate you or get mad. I just get hurt, and I cry, because I'm sensitive. 

Always,
Me.