There is so much in this world that we have to learn, explore and see. This blog is an account of the beautiful world as I see it, explore it, and learn about it.
I have been asked to write an article for the Minnesota Journal. Pretty exciting right? I'm kind of dying inside with how excited I am. It's an 800 word piece describing how Students Speak Out works, and how teens can be involved in civic decisions by participating in projects through the organization. I have 29 days until the draft is due to the editor, and two weeks before I'll be sending a draft to my supervisor. I can't begin to tell you what this means to me.
I always wanted to be a writer, and here I am. A sophomore in college getting the opportunity to write for the state's journal. This, while only a baby step, is a baby step towards my dreams coming true.
On a complete side note, this is a picture of my wonderful boyfriend and I last year. I'm so excited for this summer to be as happy and full of love as last summer. I look forward to all of my time with my handsome, loving boyfriend.
It's been awhile since I've posted much. I am sorry. I have reasons, and I think I'm ready to just kind of spit it all out. I can't share details, but I can share how I feel. No names, no details. So sorry if it sounds weird and choppy, but this is how I deal with things. I spit it all out in writing and then I sort through it and find a way to move forward. I haven't been able to do that because I haven't been able to spit it all out.
It all comes down to family and friends, honestly. The beginning of finals week I got some scary and vague news. All I knew was that someone (I knew who) was in the hospital. Try focusing on tests and studying after that gets thrown at you. If you can focus when stuff like that happens, I applaud you. It's not how my brain works. I fall apart. My niece was going to arrive Wednesday (which she did, as you know). Basically, the only thing running through my head that week was that I needed to get home.
I went to talk to someone on campus that I trust and who helped me with my anxiety issues first semester. He sent me to the counselor on campus who suggested that I request my last final to be moved up so that I could leave to get home a day early. Even if it was only one day, that meant I wouldn't be falling apart alone for another day. So, I did. My professor helped me move my final to Thursday morning, and I was able to get home by 5 o'clock Thursday.
My family member was able to come home, my niece came home too, and we had a full house. There were 12 people in our house until that Sunday. Even though I needed to not be alone at school, being surrounded at home was overwhelming. I couldn't really handle being with people all the time, and so it got frustrating. I want to say everything with my family is okay, because physically we are all okay. I just can't say everything is okay, because the issues can't be resolved so easily.
The brain is a mysterious organ. It can do a lot of scary and amazing things. When your brain protects itself from harm, it can do a lot of different things. These things can change your entire life and I'd say my family learned that pretty well. It's going to be okay, and I think it will just take time and patience to really allow everyone to straighten things out.
Meanwhile, there have been issues with some friends and arguments that have been really hard to just move past. Again, names and details aren't allowed, so I'm just going to leave it at the fact that fighting with my friend, just makes everything else suck more. I'm sick of fighting. I've come to the conclusion that I've fought a lot of things, and I fight myself too much to keep fighting with the people who I'm supposed to enjoy my time with. I'm tired of fighting, and I'm just.. listening to the voice of reason who tells me to just stop expecting much else. I fought that voice of reason (person) because I felt like that was wrong. I thought that it was going to hurt more to realize that I have to. And, it does. But, maybe it'll hurt less in the long run. I don't want to hurt.
There's a lot that I'm leaving out.. and I have to. I have to leave it out because I can't really do anything about it anyways. I think that's why I'm frustrated and angry and wanting to just explode. There's nothing I can do to change anything. I can't do a damn thing to change anything. I can recognize this, and that should be enough. I should be able to accept that I can't do anything about anything.. but I can't. It still sucks. It sucks a lot.
I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I don't know what else I can say. I don't know what to do or say or how to fix anything. I need that. I need to be able to know what to do and how to fix things. While I know I can't do anything.. that doesn't change that I need to to fix it. I can't just leave it be. My brain doesn't work like that. My brain tells me that I'm not doing enough. I need to do something and help, and when I can't, it just makes me feel bad. I don't do stupid stuff when I feel bad. I just let it all build up and then I let myself cry and then I can be okay.. but I still feel bad.
The worst part.. for me right now, is that I'm frustrated with God. I feel like he's throwing all of this crap at my family, my friends and I, and I'm just tired of it. I want a break. I want things to be good for awhile, because I can't remember a month when nothing bad has happened. I need a solid good month, because I need proof that things can be better. I need proof that God is there and that these tests and obstacles come with some kind of reward. Right now, the light at the end of my tunnel is flickering. I just need it to stay on for a month. I need to be able to recover from all the crap that this month sent this way, so that I can be ready for the next time the light flickers.
I'm pretty sure I already posted this song, but here it is again. I like it. It helps me look up, and reminds me that things will be okay.. eventually.
Today is Wednesday. This means it has been 3 days of summer thus far.
So far, I've learned: I DIDN'T FAIL!!!! You have no idea how happy I was to learn this.. like..I could not stop freaking out.
Also, my immune system HATES my new job. I'm already sick.
Update on the job:
I love it. I love my little friends (that's what we call them) BUT that's all I really can say (confidentiality rules). I work a lot-- 9 hours Monday-Friday, and it's wonderful.
I'm off to my house now (because I'm staying at a friend's to make sure the dogs and her brother don't kill each other while the family is in Georgia..) but I'll be back soon!
This video is for Jordan and Lucas, and all you other gamers.. it cracked me up.
Hey everyone, I know it's been a couple days, but I have been crazy busy with my family, moving back in, and seeing a couple people before I start work Monday.
Speaking of, I start work Monday! I'll be spending my day with the babies, which is pretty exciting!
Finals: are done.
Am I done stressing? NO.
I failed my Dino exam. It sucked and was hard, but I'm okay-ish because I know I was alone.
Enjoy a blast from the past, because it totally made my night.
So far on my run, I've passed by Dinosaurs, Environmental Conservation, Environmental Science and Political Science. Trust me, it's been crazy. I mean, how would you feel if you passed a Parasaurolophus on a marathon?
I'm halfway done with today's finals. I have two left, World Regional and Geo of Religions. I think I'm at the point of numbness where my brain no longer knows left from right, dark from light, or dinosaurs from ancient religions.
Today's Environmental Fun Fact of the Day:
Recycled paper produces 73% less air pollution than if it were made out of raw materials..
Why should you care?
Because you can recycle your papers, of course! Like, let's just say we're all college students. One thing you can do, is recycle handouts, syllabuses, and old labs that you're never going to need again. Also, recycle your cardboard boxes when you move home... or reuse them next year. Don't contribute to the needless space being taken up in landfills by recyclable items.
Always,
H.Eilene
PS: waiting anxiously for updates on my baby niece to be born today!! EEP!
I'm currently rounding the 5 mile mark on my 48 hour marathon of finals and essays. Coming up tonight: the bend where I finish my Environmental Science class (and all online assignments by 8pm), the stretch of study guides for Poli Sci, Env Cons, and World Regional all for tomorrow's long haul of exams, and then following that brutal stretch of the race, I have the sprint to the finish with the last online final and my Phys Geo final. My legs and brain will be exhausted, and I'm going to be crawling across that finish line.
In other news, I'm not going to be here through Friday (here being college) because my Physical Geo prof is allowing me to take my final a day early so I can get home and help out with some family stuff. I'll be welcoming a new squishy niece to the family and helping to deal with some stuff that is going on. One thing I like about this prof is that I didn't have to be specific. The niece thing was all that he needed to hear.
So.. To Do in the next 48 Hours:
Environmental Science:
Lab 5 (redo)
Final
Grade Presentations
Geography of World Religions:
Study Guide
3 Essays (short)
Final
World Regional Geography:
Study Guide
Final
Political Science:
Study Guide
Final
Environmental Conservation:
Study Guide
Final
Physical Geography:
Study Guide
Final
Notice: I'M DONE WITH DINOSAURS FOREVER!!!
Always, H.Eilene
Here's a great song that I listen to when I'm studying:
I have been defeated by the entire world. I wish I could spare the melodramatics here.. but I'm just.. done. I'm out of energy. I'm out of fight. I just want to curl up and be held. I've got nothing else for the day.. because I just.. can't.
I can't talk about it, write about it, scream or fight any of it.. So for tonight. I'm done. Goodnight world. Please bring me better news tomorrow.
I beg you.
Two nights in a row I'm tuckered out by 12.What's happening today? Not a whole lot. Today (Monday), is a wonderful test to my ability to focus and be studious.I have no finals on Monday but I have one late Tuesday and 3 on Wednesday.This means I should really study hard Monday and work on assignments due for my online class.This will be an interesting test.
Well, yesterday's plan was to study like crazy for the impending doom this week brings, but around 6pm I was down for the count feeling sick. Laid in bed/ went to bed early and am feeling much better today. Today's plans are nothing too crazy. I'm gonna drive out to Nebagamon, bake 2 cakes, and then come back and study more.
Today's Environmental Fact:
We each (the average American) uses about 12 thousand (yeah 12,000) gallons of water EVERY year.
What does that mean?
Well, there are 3,193,239,727,500,000 gallons in Lake Superior. If you were to block off all tributaries leading into the lake and cut off all water added by precipitation and have the US only use water from the 3rd largest lake in the world (by volume)... it would take how long to drain the lake?
Let's start the math here..
According to the US Census Bureau there are 313,494,747 people in the US as of right now.
In one year those people will use 3,761,936,964,000 gallons of water.
Divide the volume of water in Lake Superior by the volume of water the people in the US will use in one year and you get 848 years until the lake is drained.
BUT...
Population is growing every day. After five minutes, I have refreshed the population clock for the US, and it's already up another 20 people. IF this continues (which it will) there's no way it would take that long to drain the lake.
Freshwater is the most scarce and difficult to reach natural resource and yet, we rely so heavily on it that if it were to disappear.. our entire world would come to a halt. People would starve, and people would die of dehydration.
Moral lesson of the day?
Reduce your water consumption.
Always,
H.Eilene
3,193,239,727,500,000
We each use about 12,000 gallons of water every year
Today, I went to my final classes of the semester.. how do you think that made me feel?
a) Happy?
b) Sad?
c) Excited?
d) Sentimental?
e) None of the above.
You'd be most correct either answering c or e. It's not that those other feelings weren't somewhere in my day.. but not necessarily because of the end of classes. I was A. Happy because I had a wonderful early-afternoon with my amazing boyfriend. I was B. Sad, because my father hung up on me, and he never called back. I was C. excited because that means summer is almost ere. I was D. sentimental because I realized that I'm going to have to say goodbye to my two new best friends very soon, and I know I won't see them for a while. E. is only semi correct because my excitement was quickly drowned out by the swallowing stress of finals coming.
Today's environmental fact has to do with Hershey's Kisses. Yum right?
Did you know..
Over 20 million (yeah 20,000,000) Hershey's Kisses are wrapped in a day. Did you know that's about 133 square miles of tinfoil?
How is this an environmentalfun fact?
Tinfoil is recyclable. Most people don't recycle their wrappers.
You've all just made my life sooo happy. I set out this blog journey with a goal to hit 5kby the time I ended my year. I've officially reached 5k with 8 days to spare. :) Thank you so much for reading. Don't quit now, because I'm not. I've got adventures to come, and I want you all to join me on it.
This calls for celebration, and I'm starting by cranking up the Jimmy Buffet Pandora and finishing homework (yeahhhh... I can't do much celebrating while I've got this pesky list of homework.)
Environmental Fun Fact of the day: About 1% of landfill space in the US is taken up by disposable diapers. Less fun environmental fact: Disposable diapers take about 500 years to decompose.
Here's a question for you...
Would switching to reusable diapers really make less of an impact?
Think of the different things that go into re-using them: Water Soap
They seem like small things.. but how many diapers do babies and toddlers go through in a day? How many times would you have to be washing them? How much water and soap would that consume? Don't forget that water is one of the most important natural resources the earth has to offer us.
Don't worry!!! Of course I mean coffee... :)
Today's plan is to get as much of my weekend homework done, so that allllll next week I can focus ONLY on finals. I know that sounds silly... why would there be homework assignments into finals week? But.. it happens.
I'm getting pretty stoked for finals.. and by finals.. I mean the end of finals. 8 days until I move home. 8 days and a couple hours. May 11th, my final final is at 10:00 and ends roughly around 11:55. My dad will be here sometime after I finish to load up the truck (because I plan to be packed by the time he comes) and then off we'll go. Home at last.
Happy Thursday to everyone! Back home they're getting nailed with some storms, couldn't be more jealous. Duluth got a couple rumbles yesterday but nothing more.
The picture is totally irrelevant except that I love the island we were approaching on the ferry. Catalina Island. Someday, I'm gonna go back.
Always,
H.Eilene
Tonight we watch "The Way" to end our class experience. So far, in the first hour of class, we have done course evaluations, gone over the ridiculous study guide, and pigged out. Yes.. that's right.. pigged out. Dr. Kulhke brought pop, tea, popcorn and pizza for the class. He's a great professor, and I can assure you, I want to take more classes with him. Not because he brought food, because he was actually a great teacher.
Technically, I should be watching the movie, but it's easy to multitask :)
Charlie Sheen's brother is in the movie.. brother or son? Martin Sheen. I'm pretty sure his character died just now. Sad day. Dead people are depressing.
Today is good day number 2. Do you know what I'm holding in this picture? It's the beautiful, wonderful, red, leather smelling wallet that contains my entire life. What??! It came??! Yes.
I came to the sudden terrifying realization that to pick up packages, one must first show their ID to the mail-room person... My ID was in my wallet. Along with everything else pertinent to survival. Luckily for me.. my god mother's son (god brother?) was working in the mail-room and didn't make me jump through hoops to get it.
Do you want to know what the first thing I want to do is? Buy coffee. I'm an addict. I'm an addict who hasn't had any caffeine in three days. Do you know what that does to a person? It makes them do crazy things.. like go to bed at 11, and gives crazy painful headaches..
Anyways, Wallet back, and I AM OFFICIALLY AND ENGLISH LLC (LITERATURE LANGUAGE AND CULUTRE) MAJOR!!!! EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppp!!!
Happy music time! (Yeah it's TSwift, but I'm a girl.. so it happens)
Always Yours, H.Eilene
Audrey Hepburn, my favorite female actress ever to have walked the face of the earth once said, "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles"
This is a Map. This is a big Map. This is a Political Map of the world from 2008. Why am I showing you a map? Why am I showing you a big map? Why on EARTH am I showing you a political map from 2008?
Well folks, My new adviser just gave me the green light to declare my Geography major!!! Heck Yes!! Tomorrow, I meet with the head of the English department to declare my English LLC (Lit, Lang and Culture) BA. WOOT!!! Also, she called me a little ball of sunshine.. teehehe.. I'll post a picture later to show you why (aside from the happy excited giddy mood I was in).
Also, in other news. I left my wallet at home over the weekend. It's now in the mail, but I am hungry. Sad day.
Sad day doesn't outweigh the happy day though. This good mood is downright Sunshiney :)
ALWAYS, H.EILENE
Also, I made a new friend today :) I like today a lot. Shout out to my new friend, you know who you are. Stick with me and happy won't have to be so hard. :)
I'm almost there!
I'm halfway done with today's finals. I have two left, World Regional and Geo of Religions. I think I'm at the point of numbness where my brain no longer knows left from right, dark from light, or dinosaurs from ancient religions.
You've all just made my life sooo happy. I set out this blog journey with a goal to hit 5k by the time I ended my year. I've officially reached 5k with 8 days to spare. :) Thank you so much for reading. Don't quit now, because I'm not. I've got adventures to come, and I want you all to join me on it. 
Water
Tonight we watch "The Way" to end our class experience. So far, in the first hour of class, we have done course evaluations, gone over the ridiculous study guide, and pigged out. Yes.. that's right.. pigged out. Dr. Kulhke brought pop, tea, popcorn and pizza for the class. He's a great professor, and I can assure you, I want to take more classes with him. Not because he brought food, because he was actually a great teacher. 
Today is good day number 2. Do you know what I'm holding in this picture? It's the beautiful, wonderful, red, leather smelling wallet that contains my entire life. What??! It came??! Yes. 
