My Apologies

Everything has changed so fast. I'm in one of those horrible movies where they show time passing with some stupid montage. Except, I'm just me. Life is moving so quickly, and I don't know where to breathe.

But, that's okay.

This train can keep speeding through, and eventually I'll figure it all out.

This isn't going to be a long message, but here it is.

I am so very sorry if I am neglecting my friendship with you. I am so very sorry if my schedule is screwing things up between us. I haven't figured out my time management system yet with this new job and the new hours, so I don't have as much time as I would hope to have. This means that instead of devoting my time to other people, I'm devoting time to myself right now. I need to figure some things out before I can allow myself to be there for others.

I have given up too much of myself in the past two months, and my grades and my heart have suffered. Please, don't take it personally. I am not cherry picking who I'm talking to and who I'm not.

During this time of adjustment and thinking, I'm also trying to revamp my relationship with Jesus. I feel like since I moved to the U, He has been moved aside for other things. God is very important in my life, and I need to give myself a chance to really reflect and pray to Him, and I need to devote the time He deserves. So, I'm working on it.

Maybe you're sick of hearing that I'm working on it, but honestly, that's all I've got. Give me some space, and I swear to you that when I'm ready I will come talk to you.

Always,
H.Eilene

Being The Change I Need.

Hello!

As many of my friends have known for awhile, I was very unhappy as a Preschool Teacher. Between the frustration over the under-staffing, being over-ratio, and overall disliking the way my particular site was being run, it just wasn't a good fit. I stuck with it for almost 2 years, but finally the match was lit. I finally had a good enough reason to quit.

My reason was so good in fact, that circumstances led to my leaving without notice. Unfortunately, that meant I didn't get to say goodbye to the families of my students, I didn't apologize to them for leaving, and I didn't get to say goodbye to the few students who had been there as long as I had.

If any parents of my students stumble upon this page, I am so very sorry for leaving so suddenly. I am so very sorry for abandoning your beautiful, amazing children. I already miss them so much it hurts. I wish it hadn't come to this.

To my friends and my wonderful boyfriend, my leaving the preschool has come as a relief. There are no more fits of rage following a shift. There are no more tears in relation to my frustration. There  are no more days where I have to feel like I'm failing the kids. There are no more days where I feel like our site is failing the kids. It's over.

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately, I know that those kids are still there. I know that they are not getting every ounce of care they deserve. For that reason, I pray for each and every one of them.

A few weeks ago, when I had been getting to my limit of frustration with the daycare, I decided to start applying for other jobs. I knew I would have Starbucks, but I wasn't so sure that I wanted to risk running into scheduling issues and being unable to pay my rent.

I applied for a job at a Dog/Cat/Critter Boarding Center. Pets are way more enjoyable than children... I don't think I'll feel so pressured to be perfect. A dog isn't going to care if I'm not able to fix every tiny little crisis. A dog doesn't have to learn the skills on the Kindergarten readiness list, and they're  entire future doesn't solely rest on my shoulders.

I get to play with dogs and cats. I get to feed them. I get to clean up after them.

Not always clean. Not always fun and cheerful.

But, I will actually enjoy going to work.

And I needed that.

H.Eilene